I am....

Arun over at the Parenting Pit posted this recently and I thought it would be fun to play. If you post this at your blog, will you please come back and add a link in the comments section. I'd love to read more about you.:)

You can play by finishing the following sentences about yourself:

• “I am…”
• “Right now I am in…”
• “Most people do not know that I…”
• “I am passionate about…”
• “Decades from now, when my children think of me, I hope that they remember…”
• “My soul feels warm and I have a big smile when I remember…”
• “If I could go back in time and give one piece of advice to myself when I was 18 years old it would be to…”
• “I think that the most important thing about life is…”

Sooooo...
here goes:

• I am Ren. Obstinate, unrefined, passionate, bold, kind, creative and in lover of life. Mother of four, wife to one, sister to five and friend to many. I am motherful and motherless.
  
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• Right now I am in my basement, in my head and always in a state of muddlement as I try to sort out the thoughts that fight for attention in my brain.
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• Most people do not know that I feel alone sometimes. Surrounded by people, surrounded by love, surrounded by ideas and events...yet I can feel very alone and even lonely at times.
  
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• I am passionate about too many things. Not enough things. Things that matter. Building your own shelter, growing your own food, being capable enough to figure out whatever it is you need in life, being ok with feeling lonely, travel, herbs, tea, wine, gardening, growing, respecting children, learning, autodidactism, writing, art, hiking, breathing mountain air, being responsible with resources (no it is NOT fecking responsible to build a 5,000 sf house for two people. No, no, no way in HELL!!).
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• Decades from now, when my children think of me, I hope that they remember the laughter, the connections, the times I jumped into their bathtub with my clothes on because they asked, the times I brought home another animal for them because they wanted it, even though I knew their Dad would be upset, the times we grew things and learned together, the times they were alongside me building and gaming and watching and being in awe at life. The times we had tea parties at midnight or nachos at 2am...just because. The way their I passionately respected their right to choose their own life, forge their own path.
  
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• My soul feels warm and I have a big smile when I remember the day each of my children were born. The first time I held them and talked them outside the womb. The way I cried at the beauty of them and those beautiful eyes that were trying to take in this new world. I was holding a piece of divinity. Still am.
  
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• If I could go back in time and give one piece of advice to myself when I was 18 years old it would be to walk away from the brainwashing I got in the church we were raised in. I would let me know how much better life would be without the chains of religion, without the mental bondage of "heaven" and "hell", without all the concern about what others thought of me. I would tell me to RUN like crazy and never look back.
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• I think that the most important thing about life is the connections. Connections with the earth and with each other. Connections with ourselves. It's all that matters in the end.