QOTD

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. "
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Ah yes, that trust issue again. There are several after-thoughts about the conference I'd like to share. Still doing that whole sifting/processing that happens after such amazing gatherings, so I won't be able to get it all out tonight. One thing I wished we had time to explore more thoroughly was during the "Terrific Teens" talk that Erika and I did together.

A Mum was talking about recently moving towards the Radical Unschooling lifestyle and how her teen seems to be "pushing" her. Erika likened it to an invisible fence, the child being sure the old rules and boundaries are still there so she's searching for it. I like that analogy.

Joy Karim brought up the fact that the mother could just quit looking at her child's behavior as "pushing" and try to see it as simply living her life. I think that's such good advice. It's not outrageous to think that the child might be trying to see if her mother is trustworthy and trying to find just what the boundaries are at this point. But if the behavior can simply be seen as part of her LIVING and BEING and nothing more, then the mother can be more open to finding solutions rather than feeling "pushed".

I loved that thought and wanted to discuss it further but the conversation turned other directions.

If we can simply see our children as living their lives and be their partners in the journey, then even when a family is making shifts towards freedom there need not be the filter on the eyes that makes behavior look more intentional than it really is.

Seeing our children as doing their very best, helps us truly be in the moment with them rather then filtering the behavior through our own baggage. I remember adults talking about how I "tested" them and it felt SO unfair and like they didn't understand at all. I never remember intentionally "testing" anyone! I simply didn't like the way I was treated at times, nor did I agree with their judgements of my behavior.

Being with our children in the moment means letting go of our own notions of what the behavior is about. Seeking understanding allows us to connect rather than judge. And if they are "testing" the waters so to speak? Then it might be more important to let go of that idea entirely, in order to become more trustworthy for them.

Just as the road to peace is to simply BE peace, the road to trust is to simply TRUST. Trust yourself, trust your children, be trustworthy. That's it.