Learning in Freedom

It's our "thing"

2009-07-20T10:31:00.002-04:00

Rivers and Obos that is. We build them wherever there are rocks and leave them for nature or other humans to find or destroy.

This is how we spend our days at the river. Building, scooping, swimming, fussing, collecting and laughing. I've spent too much of my life wishing and dreaming, I'm more into DOing now. Because you can use what you've got, rather than waiting for things to change. I don't have a house near the river. I don't have a kayak. I have a truck though, and I have kids that love the water. So we go and in that moment the river is ours as much as it is the earth's and it seems to love us too.

This one likes to try and catch fish. The fish aren't so cooperative...smart things.

Sand, water and rocks are a bit more malleable. Mini dams and rivers make for great fun.

Happy faces, nurtured by the water and trees.

Later, Sierra insists on trying Meringues again. This was her second attempt in her desire to perfect them. Yes, they're eggs from the farm down the road.

We've spent a lot of time trying to come up with a plan for buying property and building a house. We found the property, haven't found the money yet! But that isn't stopping Bleu and Sierra from spending HOURS designing and redesigning, looking at Deltecs, abandoning Deltecs, designing again...and so on. I came home from work two nights ago around 8:30 and they'd been at it since 6pm. I think they finally put it all away around 10:30 or so.

Sierra was delighted to learn about square feet vs. cubed feet and other such things that made me cringe in school. She's drawing designs to scale and loving every minute...I think even the frustration is joy at this point. :)

I laminated sheets of common household furniture and appliances drawn to scale (thanks to the Deltec rep we chatted with at the model home last week) and they had a ball placing them and replacing them on their home designs. Cool stuff! Such is the life of natural learning....things we believed difficult in school are actually fun when the learner chooses it, because of some internal force that guides their interest. Human beings are SO wired to learn. I wish people could see that and trust the process...whether their children are interested in home designs or pokemon. It's all learning. It's all worthy.

Her other current interest is memorizing Jason Mraz songs. Why? Because she's going to the concert and she wants to know the music better! Funny how that motivation stuff works when it's for our very own purposes. :) I do so love this life.

Jared is having his own water adventures, with family and other unschoolers up in the light of far North. Water and obos...it's what we do in the summer.

Nesta Fest and other such fun...

2009-07-19T09:54:00.029-04:00

Have I mentioned we've been busy? Summer is full of activity and work, it seems everything is on steroids this time of year!

One day Sierra decided to haul out some of the contractor plastic I use to kill off weeds for new garden areas. We cleaned it and turned it back into the "slip and slide" we originally purchased it for. Lots of good water fun that day.

After you get wet and use up lots of energy playing, baking cookies is necessary. Didn't you know that? We used the handmade butter and buttermilk from the farm we visit occasionally. SO yummy.

In June we went camping for "Nesta Fest", a yearly birthday event for our friend Nesta, down in the Nolichucky River Gorge...one of the most amazing places on earth.

The noodle wars, which went badly a couple times. But overall were only a semi-painful battle.

Jalen with a friend and his new pet slug "Jeffrey" in the tipi.

We take up a section at the campground, filled with tents and friends and fires and lots and lots of laughter and talk.

Rob has got this whole river relaxin' thing figured out!

Building castles and dreams....

Just chillaxin! It's so beautiful and serene, time seems to stand still for us.

Birthday cake!

A man and his rock; I think he's fishing for something other than fish.

This one was definitely fishing for fish, but he let's them all go after observation.

Me and my buddy La taking in the sun....I'm nearly blind here as the river ate my sunglasses!

Barb even stopped by for a little bit, in between running kids to places and packing for a trip (did I mention she's crazy??) :)

Jalen hanging out by our little campsite. No, we didn't sleep in the tipi, that's our tent to the left. We really need more than a two-person mountain tent though. Soon, soon.

In the morning, before our friends are awake and other friends arrive for the birthday, the kids and I snuck down to the misty river. I feel more whole, more awake, more content there and I realized I need to visit the river often. So we do now. Every Monday at the least....working on getting a kayak next.

Then there was the visit from the Lovejoys and an afternoon spent at Boone Dam Lake. We stole Sadie away and took her home with us. They spent lots of time jumping off the concrete wall with the sign that says "keep off wall".

They jumped off the divider too....

...and made lots of cool designs with string, fingers and even faces.

Back at home...

...where the garden grows,

and grows,

the bees stay very busy, and butterflies stop in for brief visits.

There are hidden places in the brambles now, because it's summertime! How we love it.

Sadie and Sierra cartoon

2009-07-12T19:48:00.003-04:00

Things keep on growing...

2009-07-09T23:56:00.018-04:00

Jared went to Girdwood Fair

2009-07-06T13:48:00.001-04:00

So Jared and Kevin traipsed off to Girdwood Fair in the middle of the woods with a bunch of hippies and other friends for the weekend. When Heidi dropped them off they had no reservation for a campsite, but they had food and a tent and decided to wing it. As it turns out, having no plan and a spirit of adventure pays off lots of times.

They found a friend, whose Mum had a friend, who had a house adjacent to the festival grounds. They pitched their tent on his rooftop (how cool is that?) and had a real bathroom to use all weekend. Being willing to head into the unknown isn't something Jared would have embraced until recently. His cousins are cool guys though and it doesn't hurt to have weather you love.:)

Check out that view! I do miss Alaska this time of year...

Pitching their roof-top tents.

It looks like a very Alaskan style house. He was exhausted when I talked to him on the phone last night so it must have been a lot of fun.

Addendum: Heidi posted some cool pics of their weekend at her blog.

Jalen convo

2009-07-06T10:59:00.003-04:00

The boy wakes up behind me as I type on the computer. He's snapping his fingers (new skill) and when I notice and come to snuggle with him he keeps giggling.

Me: You're sure full of giggles this morning. Did your dreams fill you up with giggles?
Jalen: Nope, I had a zombie dream.

Nevermind.

Trip to the NW: The conference

2009-07-05T20:55:00.000-04:00

I'm way too behind for anything remotely organized at this point. So here are some random highlights of the conference weekend, which was full of many grand and somewhat stressful moments for me. Such is the way of unschooling conferences....

Lunch with Amy Steinberg, Donna, Heidi, Robin and Mary. Glorious weather, yummy food, lots of laughs, the massive Columbia river flowing past as smoothly as the margaritas we drank.

They had the mariachi band sing Happy Birthday to me....all while wearing a very large hat I'm not going to show you.

There was a very cool "river" in Esther Short park, a quick walk up the street from the conference site. We went there every day. Didn't hurt to have a very good coffee shop/cafe right on that particular square.;)

The post-conference picnic...

My friend Lindsey even showed off some of her amazing acrobatics for us! Lindsey and I worked together out here in Johnson City and she had moved out to the NW to join a dance troupe. It was great to re-connect.

Searching for a four-leaf clover.It's one of his "things".

Saying goobye...

The late-night parties in my room...

The late-night ATC making in my room....

The deck overlooking the Columbia, where we could sit and chat or drink or hug. My room looked over this deck and the river, it was awesome!

The talent show. We were helping Calista fulfill her dream of being in the show for the very first time ever. She wanted to sing "Five green and speckled frogs", which she did. We were her "frogs".

The Amy Steinberg concert, always a hit, always a blast! We love you Amy!!:)

Visiting the In-laws....it had been too long and it was great to see them and give the kids a chance to share some hugs.

It was a great trip and a great conference!! I'm still exhausted.;) Thank you Mary and Jon for hosting this incredible weekend. You rock!

Jalen convo

2009-07-04T23:45:00.001-04:00

Sierra: Mom, can you read my lips?

Me: Hold on a sec.
Probably not, I'm not that good at it.

Jalen: How can you read someone's lips when there's no letters?

Learnin' Nothin....again!

2009-07-04T23:26:00.004-04:00

It's almost time for the 2nd annual Learn Nothing Day and the Johnson City unschoolers invite you to join us for a celebration. We'll meet at Rock Creek just like last year for a picnic, swimming and general fun on July 24th at noon.

Overnight guests should check out the Comfort Inn as it's conveniently located and inexpensive. Earthfare is just down the road too!

Plan on bringing food, drinks, swimming gear etc... There is hiking available, bbq pits and bathrooms/changing areas. There is a $2 day fee when you get to the park (self service payment as you drive in) so bring a bit of cash. See you there!!

Any questions, write me at starsuncloud@comcast.net.

My travelin' kid

2009-06-23T22:29:00.005-04:00

While we've been gardening and playing with friends and working and such, Jared has been doing things like climbing "The Butte" in Palmer Alaska:

He ran in his first race this week, a 10k at 10pm called the Midnight Sun Run in Fairbanks. I ran it a few times in High school, once with my Dad and sister Heidi (the same sister with whom Jared is living right now and ran the race again this year, along with my nephews Tristan and Kevin).

He's already changed and I'm not even there to watch it happen. It's cool and a bit strange but I'm really excited about all the amazing things he's doing. Life changing things...though he may not realize it now.

He'll come home full of new experiences and tales to tell. We'll have a few of our own to share. I miss him like crazy but mostly I'm just happy my kids feel free to explore this big, amazing world and take what they need from those experiences. Happy trails.....

Being your child's friend

2009-06-21T11:10:00.005-04:00

I remember a moment very clearly from my teen years. My Mum and I had another of our screaming matches and I had stormed off to my room, slamming the door while crying those big, heavy, uncomfortable sobs. I was still sitting on my bed a while later, trying to find some comfort in my space when she knocked and asked to come in. She had cooled off a bit and was trying to reach out. I remember telling her, through all the snot and tears, "I just need you to be my friend". Her response? "I can't be your friend, I'm your parent".

She wasn't trying to be mean, she was buying into the conventional "wisdom" of that time. I remember so well the feeling that solidified for me in that moment. I knew I couldn't trust her. I knew I wouldn't tell her certain things or reach out to her in the same way again. Those words rang in my ears..."I can't be your friend". It stuck. We weren't friends again for a very long time. I loved her and she loved me, always. But the friendship didn't come until I had lived away from home for many years.

This topic came up at the Always Learning list today and I want to share what Pam Sorooshian wrote on this matter. As usual, she put it in such a clear and poetic manner. I will always be my children's parent AND friend. One can be both.

(note: The picture and quote are swiped from Sandra's website.)

"As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things." —Pam Sorooshian, June 4, 2007

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something that has rattled around in my head for
years is the line, "You're the parent, not their friend."

I was just reading a news article and someone was
quoted as saying:"Your kids don’t need a 40-year-old friend.
They need a parent,"

What a tragic dichotomy that one little line sets up!
Every single time that line has ever entered my head,
it was leading me in the wrong direction. Every time.

What is a friend? I'm not talking about the schoolmates
teenagers go out partying and drinking with. Not talking
about the 5 year old kid your child happens to play with
at the park that day. I'm talking about real friendship.

1 a*:* one attached to another by affection or esteem

Knowing what I know now, with my kids grown, I strongly
feel that one line, which permeates parental consciousnesses,
should be quickly and actively contradicted and rooted out
like a pernicious weed every single time it sprouts up.

Instead of "You're the parent, not their friend," substitute,
"Be the very very best friend to them you can possibly be."

Do your kids need you to be their "40 year old friend?" YES!
Children do need to feel attached to their parents "by affection
or esteem." What better connection is there than by affection
and esteem?

AND, what's more, parents need their children's friendship too.
Some people seem to think there is something wrong with
parents "needing" their children. They act like being mutually
attached to each other means children have not become
independent enough and parents are being a "burden
to their children."

A 40 year old friend isn't going to have the same
relationship with a 5 year old as his/her 5 year
old friends or 10 year old friends. And parent-child
friendships evolve over the years until they are,
eventually, adult-with-adult friendships.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your child's
friend. Do what it takes to earn their friendship - be supportive
and kind and honest and trustworthy and caring and generous
and loyal and fun and interesting and interested in them and all
the other things that good friends are to each other. Be the best
40 year old friend you can be (or whatever age you are).

People use "I'm the parent, not a friend," as an excuse
to be mean, selfish, and lazy. Instead, be the adult in the
friendship. Be mature. You've BEEN a five-year-old and
your child has not been a forty-year-old, so you have an
advantage in terms of long-term and wider perspective.
Use that advantage to be an even better friend. You know
how to be kinder and less self-centered and you know how
beneficial it is to put forth the effort.

I can honestly say that my children and I are friends. I know
they'd say the same. I'm not trying to act like I'm 18 or 21 or 24
-- I am 57 years old. They're having a "Halo" party at someone
else's house tonight and will stay up all night playing video games
and I'm not going to go and hang out with them all night and play
Halo. I'm going to make a huge platter of deviled eggs for them
to take over there, but I'm going to stay home and watch a movie
with my husband and go to bed early enough that I'll feel good
tomorrow. I'm not 18 and I don't recover as quickly as they do
from a night with no sleep. I didn't go to the midnight showing
of the Terminator movie the other night, for the same reason.
But I was certainly invited and welcome.

My kids are not spoiled brats because I've tried to be their friend.
They hold jobs, they manage money, they make good and responsible
decisions. We are very strongly "attached by affection and esteem."
I wish I could wipe that expression out of everybody's minds and replace
it with "Be the best friend to your children that you can be."

Pam Sorooshian

Lovely synchronicity

2009-06-18T15:29:00.003-04:00

Today, Sierra and I were uploading and editing pictures from the last week, photos of Music on the Square with the Gavins, Bowmans, Chittums and Traaseths, photos of the storms moving through the last couple of days etc...

As I sat out in my art room organizing just now, a song came on from a CD that Zenmomma mixed. It was a James song titled "Waltzing Along". I had that weird feeling of "knowing" but I couldn't figure out why...there were words in the song that were familiar not by having heard them before but something else.

Then it hit me!! The words were on Laura's shirt she wore to Music on the Square last week...Kelli had given it to her when it didn't fit properly, a gift from the Mayer's in Canada (the same Mayers we got to hang out with at Life is Good last month) in sympathy for the Traaseth's not making it to the gathering which the shirts were created for.

Still following? It's ok, I'm confused too....but anyway, it was so cool to sit in my art room thinking about getting back to my art just about the time La is getting back to hers also. So cool to sit in my art room and think about collaborative energy and co-creation and simplifying and such things and then hear the words I was reading on my good friend just days ago.:) So cool. Especially when one doesn't expect it or plan for it or even realize that the words on the shirt were inspired by a James song (though one should have expected it).

Then I ran in from the art room to blog about it before I forgot. And here we are.....

Waltzing Along

Help comes when you need it most
I'm cured by laughter
Mood swings not sure I can cope
My life's in plaster (in plaster)

May your mind set you free
(chorus: opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on
May your mind let you breathe all of disaster
(chorus: opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on

These wounds are all self-imposed
Life's no disaster, disaster
All roads lead unto death-row
Who knows what's after

May your mind be wide open
May your heart beat strong
May your mind's will be broken
By this heart-felt song

May your mind set you free (Chorus: Be opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on
May your mind let you breathe all of disaster (Chorus: Be opened by the
wonderful)
May your heart lead you on, may your heart lead you on
May your eyes let you see all of disaster
May your heart lead you on, lead you on
(Chorus: May your eyes be opened by the wonderful)
Set you free (Chorus: May your heart lead you on)
Lead you on

Trip to the NW: The Beach

2009-06-17T21:26:00.013-04:00

We spent the 18th driving to Tillamook to visit the cheese factory, Cannon Beach where we explored Haystack Rock and then on to Seaside for some shop browsing and arcade fun.

The cheese factory is much more sterile and touristy than it was when I visited as a kid. But the ice cream and cheese are still amazing.

I love Haystack rock where you can get up close and personal to sea creatures, the smaller variety anyway.

The kids seem to spend most of their time in the very cold water and digging in the wet sand until their lips are blue.

Hot coffee and no water play were in order for me....thank you very much.

Hanging out with my sisters and their families/children was truly awesome. I'm so lucky to have two of the best sisters ever. I mean EVER. They rock! I love you both.....

David Carradine

2009-06-17T16:06:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to post this video of David Carradine on the night that I briefly met him! He was at the party I attended in Beverly Hills. I adored Kung Fu returns and the Kill Bill series...sure wish I'd gotten a pic with him. Anyway, here is the video interview of him that night. Rest in Peace Mr. Carradine.

Trip to the NW: The Farm

2009-06-15T15:04:00.022-04:00

I have many things I'd like to write about our trip out West and all the things we did in those 10 days, but I'm not going to do it in order. Not chronological order anyway, perhaps order of importance to me personally.

There are very few places that remain from my childhood. Places I can plant my feet today at any rate. We moved. I left the church. Things change. But one such place remains where I feel that grounding, that connection to my childhood, my family, my ancestral history. It's my paternal Grandparents farm.

They bought some land in the 40's, with two young children in tow. The first summer on their land they lived out of a tent. Once the garage was built, they lived in it until the house was finished a couple years later. They farmed that land for over 40 years and continued logging and gardening until recently.

Inside, the cupboards are filled with home canned goods, just as I always remember. The woodstove burns warmly and Grandma sits working on her crossword puzzles, just as I always remember. As much as things have changed, many are the same.

The house smells like good food, at all times. I think the scent of all the jams Grandma made over the years, are permanently embedded in the very walls of the kitchen.

Outside there are poignant reminders of decay, of once-loved things being forgotten or neglected, of times past that linger with us now.

My Grandfather died early this year. His beloved Model "T" still sits in his workshop. I could almost hear our child voices laughing with joy as we climbed inside for a ride up the dirt hill. I could see my sister and I dressed up to ride in the Vernonia parade and lovingly recall Grandpa winding the old car up, regaling us with stories when things were "old fashioned".

"Tell us about old fashion times!" we would beg. He'd chuckle with amusement at our labeling of his younger days as "old fashion". His workshop is attached to the barn and still smells of oil and wood shavings. I can almost see him bent over a chunk of wood, turning it into a clock or some other useful item.

Wood was a part of his life from his earliest days. His father George Bidwell was a logger and Grandpa grew up learning how to log. Trees and wood, then later farming. That's what he knew. My Grandparents always worked with their hands, worked with the soil, with the resources they had.

I stood in this grove of trees planted by them about 20 years ago and remembered chasing cows in the pasture that used to roll beneath my feet, before these trees were here.

Grandma recalls the damage to this tree being done during the Tillamook burn, a series of forest fires my Grandfather helped fight. His name is mentioned at the Tillamook Forest Center where one can watch a movie about this important event in Oregon's forest history.

This land is sacred, and one feels it with every step. The trees seem to hold secrets we can only guess.

I remember exploring these woods as a very young child. Often with my aunt Carol Anne and her horse Sonny. She would take me down to the creek where the beaver dam was and we could see them at work. It was magic then. It is still.

Hiking these woods with my children was a joy, as we recounted childhood stories and memories. The circle continues.

I love the look on Jared's face when he doesn't know a camera is aimed at him. He is a deep well and I love that this picture captures it.

I loved this picture so much that I am posting two.:) My sister Heidi shot it and I can't decide if I love the black and white or color version better.

As we ambled along, Jalen started annoying some of the other kids. We were walking past a patch of clover and one of the adults tried to use a distraction; "hey Jalen, can you find a four-leaf clover?"

"ok", says my boy and starts scanning for one.

"I found one" he adds, about two seconds later, much to our amazement.

Sure enough, a lucky four-leaf clover had been found. The rest of us tried to find one to no avail.

Later in the afternoon, my niece Rylee and I have some adventures of our own. We went on a walk about, taking pictures and chatting about many things. I found a dead blue jay that I chose not to point out, knowing her love for all things living. Managed to capture a few photos before she caught up though.

We both scooped a bag full of soil from the garden to take home to our own gardens. I took her down to the beaver dam, so rich with my earliest memories of the farm. The entire hill behind that location had recently been logged and looked so raped and ravaged, yet the dam continues and the beavers seem oblivious to the plight of that land. My Grandparents used to own that 80 acre area but sold it to a logging company many years ago. They never ceased regretting that choice even to this day.

The grapevines will be lush and full later this season. Rylee and I pause there for some photos.

If I lay on this land long enough, I think I shall grow roots right into the ground that holds so many stories. To my left is the barn we filled with hay and chased farm cats, to my right is the location where the horse stall used to stand. I adore the smell of hay and horse manure which all stems from good memories at the farm.

My head points towards the garden where they grew so much food and beyond that stand of trees, the former strawberry fields. They are being used for hay now but even when I first moved away from Alaska as a newly graduated teen I picked berries there. It was an indian summer that year. I took one of my roommates to the farm and she and I gleaned what was left of the berries in October. I'm fairly certain I decided that day to never move back to Alaska.

There are some things you just can't do in the cold North, picking berries in October is one of them. I learned later that it's not a common thing for Oregon either.....which may explain my love affair with Tennessee today.

I lay there in the sun, recalling the night of trying to sleep in itchy hay while the cows made funny night time sounds. I felt the pulse of sun and earth, cradling me with my memories, connecting past and present. I never wanted to rise. But I did. And I trust that my own farm will be part of my story, of my future and my childrens memories too.

We reluctantly say goodbye and move on down the road for more adventures. Adventures that won't leave me clinging to the past quite so tightly, nor causing a lump in my throat at the recollection of it all. Adventures that hopefully don't include quite so many goodbyes. But then, that seems to be the only sure thing about this life experience...change.

So thank you Grandma and Grandpa, for your love of the land and hard work, for the strawberries and cherries and plums we ate until sick, for the crackling wood in the stove and the smell of berries cooking. Thank you for the nights filled with games, popcorn and stars brighter than I ever saw. The days filled with hoeing, hikes and swimming holes. For an old attic and cellar filled with curiosities, for a workshop filled with usefulness and a forest filled with sacred trails. For all of it and more I thank you.

To my sweet Grandfather; your accordian playing, wood working, farming, logging, strong, weathered hands will be missed. Memories and the spirit of your choices will last....long beyond you or I or any of my children. You remind me to choose well. I will feel your presence in the trees as I try to find my way back to the farm.....rest well old man.

*the above picture includes myself, Jared and Sierra (Jalen refused to be involved) along with my sister Heidi, her husband Martin and their children Kevin, Tristan and Calista and their friend Sarah, my sister Robin and her daughter Rylee and my aunt Carol Anne (my dad's sister and my grandparents late addition to their family) and my uncle Ed who got married in the house and for whom I was the flower girl at 6 years of age.:)

A new, shortish interview

2009-06-04T12:31:00.004-04:00

There is a new, shortish and fun interview with me that was published at a very cool blog "Homeschooling; freedom and fun for your family" which is run by Debbie H.

My interview is part of a series she's doing with various unschooling families. There are familiar names/faces like Sandra Dodd, Pam Sorooshian, Helen Hegener, Deb Rossing, Laura Endres and many, many more! Go check it out and be sure to browse through all of the very fun and interesting interviews. I'm glad I participated....though it was only because of Debbie's patience as I'm a great procrastinator. :)

(above artwork by Jalen/Scott Allen; 5/09)

Sierras 12th birthday

2009-06-04T12:05:00.009-04:00

Sierra Star's 12th birthday was April 29th and we celebrated it on that very day....with lots of cotton candy and snowcones and friends. See how far behind on blogging I am? Such is life...for now.

The dogwood tree looked like this on that day....

Laura rocked out like this....

We ate cotton candy like this....

...and hung out like this

...all for my girl who makes art like this

...because she is a beautiful, zany, funny, smart, talented, artsy, kind, fun-loving, gentle and loving spirit!! Happy birthday my sweet Sierra/sis/Sisi/starlygirl/starchild. The day you were born a true star came into my life and I am forever grateful. Thank you for falling to my part of the earth.:)

The trip out West

2009-05-30T23:32:00.002-04:00

I've been on the go since 6am today and there are few words to describe how exhausted I am right now. BUT, my sis Heidi got a loverly blog post up that has some pics and activities from the trip, including some information about my sweet Jared that might interest a few folks. I have only two children in my house for the next few months. It's a strange experience. :) Nite, nite.....

Toothpaste babies

2009-05-20T01:42:00.001-04:00

Jalen is sitting here in our hotel room talking a lot about poop and anything else that the eight year old mind finds amusing. He was sharing how great his breath smells and said something about pooping...

"so now we have pooping toothbrushes?" I ask.

"No, my toothpaste poops. It poops out toothpaste babies which I use on my teeth to make my breath smell good."

Toothpaste babies. Wish I'd thought of THAT one.

Heading West....

2009-05-16T16:06:00.004-04:00

Insert deep sigh here. I miss the NorthWest. I do, I do. My sis Heidi just called me from Portland's Saturday Market, one of my fave places in the world. It's an eclectic mish-mash of handmade goods, greasy food, colorful people and amazing talents. You can get lost in the noise and hub-bub. There's always some street musicians and street entertainers if you need to pause. The choices of handmade items is endless.

I think she just called to gloat a bit...we're already SO excited about leaving tomorrow. I think of all the places I've been in my life and how each place has enriched me and deepened my understanding of the world and it's people. Travel is an amazing way to connect, to learn and mainly, to have FUN. I value our travels so much and hope my children get to continue visiting amazing people and places on this earth. It's hard to be close minded when you see many places and learn what people are like in those many places.

We're looking forward to visiting the Tillamook cheese factory and the Oregon Coast, OMSI, the Vancouver Farmer's Market and my Grandparents farm. I've climbed several of the cascade mountains and lived/worked in the NW for over a decade of my life....it's good to be going back for a bit.

The massive Columbia river will be our view from Life is Good, you can't get much better than that!! Happy trails everyone...wherever your travels--both near and far--take you.

Tidbit from a list

2009-05-14T01:29:00.006-04:00

Sandra Dodd wrote the following in a post at Always Learning and it really resonated with me. So many people ask things like "Is it ok for unschoolers to _________?" which worries me. It worries me because it seems that unschooling has become some sort of club to join, rather than a philosophy/lifestyle to discuss. It worries me because if someone is more concerned about doing what an unschooler would do, they aren't really examining the issue critically. It's not a great way to wrap your mind around a new idea, it's just a way to "join". Rather than be concerned about whether something is "unschooling" or not, maybe people could question whether it's respectful, whether they are focused on what their child needs and whether it brings peace and joy to their family.

Here's what Sandra wrote:

~~NVC is all about rules, though, and labeling
people with new labels and using jargon (redefining
words for the purpose, such as "violent,"
just as NCP redefined "coerce."

For those unfamiliar with these initials, NVC is
for "non-violent communication" which says
"Do things our way or you are a violent
jackal." NCP is "Non-coercive parenting"
which says "Do things our
way or you are coercive."

I have tried for a long time NOT to say "do things
the unschooling way," but do things that make sense,
that aren't arbitrary, that make you a more peaceful
and generous person. Still it's pretty common
and perhaps human nature for some people to come,
take a glance, get excited about something (like
"No BEDTIMES!" and tell their kids "You
never have to go to bed again! NOW we are
UNschoolers!")

People like rules and touchstones and proofs
and flags to wave.

I think "the rule" should be "think," and the
touchstone should be a child's head, touched
gently.~~

Life is a Verb

2009-05-13T21:47:00.003-04:00

I've blogged about Patti Digh more than once over at Tea with Ren, but I thought I'd share this video here. She's a great inspiration to me and her discussion at ARGH was really awesome. Get the book, I love it!! After you click the "play" button you can click on the video to enlarge it. Enjoy!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Pushing vs. supporting

2009-05-10T13:06:00.007-04:00

I had a discussion at ARGH in March about the idea of forcing your child to attend a class they were reluctant to attend, after showing interest. My bottom line is that even if my children gain something valuable from being forced/coerced, what they lose is MUCH more influential...trust in themselves.

The topic came up again at Unschooling Basics this week and Joyce Fetteroll answered it so well I thought I'd just share the post in it's entirety. The ~~ parts are quoting the original poster and the rest of this is all Joyce. She was one of the voices I found SO incredibly helpful about a decade ago, when I first discovered how unschooling could impact our entire parenting journey, not just the educational aspects.

The above picture is of Jalen, helping me get our seeds started early this spring, not because anyone made him but because he likes to grow things. He scrubbed some doors and moulding for me today too, because he saw me doing it. Funny how that self-motivation thing works eh? :)

Oh, and I've climbed mountains and gardened and all sorts of things that are very challenging just because I wanted it enough. There's a saying amongst climbers about why they climb a mountain; "because it's there".

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On May 9, 2009, at 1:26 PM, DJ250 wrote:
~~ I have a friend who's interested in unschooling
but feels that her rather shy daughter would not have
varied interests if she hadn't pushed her at certain times.~~

Quite possibly.

There are adults who were pushed through music by
well meaning parents who are grateful for the pushing.

There are adults who were pushed through music by
well meaning parents who have so wrapped the
memories of coercion and tears and powerlessness
around music that they want nothing to do with music.

(Music can be filled in with anything: basketball, cleaning
up, writing, math, horses ...)

Both shed tears and complained, so how does a parent
know what the outcome will be? Unfortunately we so
want to give kids all the advantages that the stories
of people who are grateful they were pushed, the times
when our kids find happiness in something we pushed
them into, loom larger than the far more common stories
of people who avoid what they were pushed through.

How many people were forced through 12 years of
math and hate it? How many love it?

So, are the only two options pushing while praying
or not pushing?

No. But this is a slippery slope because helping kids
past the humps can end up being pushing. So, the
first idea to examine is that each time we push,
we run the risk of the child deciding they need
someone else to push them, that they can't move
past the difficulties on their own.

It will be also helpful to keep in mind that you
could be wrong. It might be the worst thing for
that child. And you'll be helping your child with
another life skill by letting them assess and decide if
it's right. Each time they decide, they learn a bit
more about themselves.

So, with that in mind, I'd talk it over with the child.
*Don't* begin with the idea of convincing them they
should let you push them since you feel it's a good idea
for them. Listen to them.

~~Mom pushed her to try a 4-H horse competition which
the kid found she rather liked after doing it.~~

And while she pursued that she was not pursuing
something else. Maybe the other things would have
been something she liked even better. Or
not.

The point is that there are a million choices we can make,
a million things we could get interested in. Everytime we
focus on one, there's nearly a million others we're not choosing.
We can't ever know we've found the ultimate, best thing.
But having the freedom to choose and explore is even better
than certainty.

~~Mom says she wouldn't have so much knowledge about
horses now and wouldn't have found out she enjoyed such
a class if she hadn't been pushed a bit to do it.~~

The daughter might even agree. But the most important thing
is the mother is deciding on the value and that the pushing
yielded something the mom values.

The focus should be on the child. What does the child want?
We know less what the child wants, less about who the child is
-- the child knows less! -- the less we listen and the more
we push.

My daughter Kat's a very good distance runner and loves
running. She joined the school cross country team.
My husband loves running too and was on the same team
when he was in high school. He loves competition. Not one
of those rabid beat 'em types, but he gets jazzed setting
up goals for himself. He tried to help her train to beat the
cream of the crop. (Not a huge stretch since she's a natural
at it.) At first she enjoyed it. But as she continued, she
started to realize the goal of beating someone (and the
possibility of failure) didn't float her boat. She just loved
to run. It was hard for Carl to even grasp the idea of not
caring about competing and there was a lot of strain until
he finally accepted that someone could have great talen
but want to do something other than what he'd do with it.

~~She feels it's human nature to go the easy route instead
of trying things that are tough.~~

It's human nature to avoid what we feel is a waste of time,
energy and resources.

It's also human nature to pour energy into what we
find fascinating.

If someone is made to climb a mountain, they'll find
the easiest path, and perhaps even cheat.

If someone desires to climb a mountain, they may
even make it more difficult -- challenging -- for
themselves if the route doesn't light their fire.

If it were human nature to go the easy route, I
wouldn't be sitting here writing out a response!
No one would write a novel. No one would
climb Mt. Everest. No one would bake a cherry
pie from scratch. No one would have kids ;-)

~~She said when she was growing up maybe if someone
had pushed her more to take tougher science classes,
she would have become a vet.~~

It's much easier to blame others for our failures than
to accept responsibility.

That sounds harsh and judgmental. It's meant as a
universal truth. When we decide we aren't capable
of something and feel that we can't accomplish
something unless someone else uses their power
over us to make us, we can absolve ourselves of failure.
It's not our fault we aren't doing x. It's other people's
fault for not pushing us, or not clearing the way for us.

A far more useful life skill for kids is knowing they can
do whatever they set their minds to. That trumps
a knowledge of horses or guitar skills or ability to
spell or whatever someone's personal need is.

While it would be *easier* if her parents had
pressured science on her. (*And* she had liked it.)
Now, not being a vet isn't their responsibility. It's hers.
She'd be living the idea that you can do anything you
put your mind to if she decided to become a vet right
now rather than modeling that you can blame your
failures on others.

For a shy child, it would be far more valuable for mom
to help her find ways the daughter can use to get past
the humps to do the things the daughter wants to do.
If the daughter gets the idea she needs the mom to push
her, she could end up at 20+ wishing her mom had pushed
her in science so she could be a vet.

~~She knows of people who perused the college
catalogues, saying "Hmm, what are the easiest classes
to take."~~

When college is seen as another hoop they're
pressured to jump through, why wouldn't they
choose the easiest route? It isn't until school
change to be relevant to people's lives, it isn't
until a college degree isn't seen as the key to
success, that kids won't be choosing for expediency's
sake.

When college is seen as one option to explore what
fascinates you, then interest will be the determining
factor in choosing courses. That's what will carry over
from living a life exploring what fascinates you.

Joyce

Fabulous article...

2009-05-09T10:54:00.002-04:00

...by unschooling Dad Jeff Sabo. His blog is really great all around but I especially love this essay about Dads and control titled "Great Expectations".

I can totally relate to the way expectations mess with our heads and get in the way of joyful relationships. Still learning about that "letting go" process every day.

Jeff, his wife Ginger, and their boys will be at Life is Good next week. Don't miss it!

Paper or plastic?

2009-05-08T21:19:00.002-04:00

Neither I say!
But that isn't the important choice anyway. What's IN the bag is more important. A compelling argument for a vegetarian diet in this article by Emily Gertz.

My friend Cid makes some awesome bags from T-shirts...talk about altered! They're soft and hold a ton of groceries. We love our Ecotees!
Now go fill 'em with some local produce, preferably organic. We picked up some amazingly delicious strawberries today and there's a pound cake in the oven just waiting to be smothered with them.:)